She's A Jar
by Some Mad Person
Summary: Prequel to A Divorce, but written 3 years after it. Further proof as to why Reno and Yuffie make quite possibly the most dysfunctional couple ever. Some days even a Turk is afraid of living.


**SHE'S A JAR**

**by some mad person.**

_To: Pip, Reno and Clara, for keeping Reffie alive._

**1. Thursday morning.**

It was the second day he was kidnapped and his throat stung. This was most likely to do with the young woman sitting crossed-legged in front of him. And the fact that he had been shouting at her for the past four hours that was not spent with him being beaten unconscious with a Shinra-issue, stainless steel ashtray.

"You're not very good looking when you're scowling." She finally spoke.

"I don't give a shit whether I look good to you or not." He replied through clenched teeth, as she padded towards the kitchen for a glass of water.

"Of course you don't," Her voice was oddly serene. "After all, we're married."

"Not for long."

"You say the silliest things, Reno." She was chuckling now, but it sounded fake. "I know you're thirsty, but you've been really mean to me. I don't know if I should let you have a drink."

"Whatever." Reno was pissed off. He would have gladly caused her severe bodily harm, that is if he weren't tied to the refrigerator. With barbed wire. She certainly had a classy way of dealing with hostages, he thought darkly. His shirt was ripped in places where he had tried to move, and speckled red in others where he actually succeeded in moving.

"You know, you can't keep me here forever without feeding me. I might like, die, or something."

"Oh, I know." She grinned. "And I can't have you conveniently leaving us like that. We still have to think of a name for her."

"A _what_?" Reno's head snapped up. "Yuffie, you just said it wasn't mine. I'm not going to name some - _thing_ you had with god knows who, dammit."

Yuffie suddenly appeared very close to his face. Probably too close, because the barrel of her 9mm was pressing against the base of his chin.

"Fuck you Reno. You can't tell me what to do. You don't even love me." She lowered her eyes, and he could make out the barest hint of a smile. Or at least it looked like a smile. Her teeth were showing, but only her upper lip had moved. "That's okay!" She shrugged. "I don't love you too. I just think you're hot. Well, maybe I used to."

Reno snorted. "You were always the best at telling lies, kiddo."

Unfortunately, he barely got to finish his sentence before a blunt force sent his head cracking to the right and his nostrils filling with the scent of copper. He opened his mouth to swear, but his tongue felt like wet cotton, and a gurgling sound was reverberating in the back of his head. It took him a few moments to realise that those noises were coming from himself, but found that he couldn't stop making them.

Okay. So now she had dislocated his jaw. And probably shattered his cheekbone while at it. What the fuck was Elena feeding her? No eighteen-year-old could hit like that. Then again, this eighteen-year-old happened to be pregnant. Somewhere, there had to be humour in his situation, but he was given little time for contemplation before the second blow caused his temple to split open and bleed into his vision.

"Aw, fuck, babe." He spat out what looked like part of a tooth. "It's too early in the morning for this. What say you untie me so that I can properly repay the favour? I'll even throw in a miscarriage for free, since you've made me feel so generous and all."

"Shut up. Shut up!" Yuffie lunged forward and grabbed a fistful of his hair. It would have stung, but his head was starting to numb from the previous impact. Besides, the pressure of his skin against the wire was far more distracting.

"You think you're so clever. You think you know everything. You don't know anything about me! You don't even know what I'm capable of! Just…just shut the hell up!"

"Babe, I know you more than you know yourself." It was getting difficult to look her shrewdly in the eyes when his own were swollen half-shut, but he was Reno, and that meant he could look cool even while lisping as a result of a slack jaw. "And I sure as hell don't know what you're capable of, but it's definitely not safe sex."

He almost regretted it the instant it left his lips, but it was too late, and three seconds later he was sporting a bloodied, misshapen lump of flesh in the centre of his face. It was probably his nose, or what was left of it. If she kept this up, he was going to start resembling someone out of a Picasso painting. He had to think fast.

"Okay, okay, Yuf. Babe. I'm sorry I said that." She raised an eyebrow at him, her knuckles slippery with his blood.

"I mean, it's not like you can help yourself. You just have Daddy issues, and sometimes the best way to resolve them is to sleep with someone who has bigger issues. Like not getting over dead girlfriends. I'm sure it did wonders for your self-esteem, since you spent the crucial parts of your teenaged years around women who actually had the tits to show for it-"

Her fists reacted a split second before she realised that he had outwitted her once again. Even when knocked unconscious, the bastard had a way of looking smug.

"…Coward." She spat on his prone form and stormed into the bedroom. It was kicking again when she sank into the filthy mattress they used to share, and repulse coursed through her as she stared vacantly into the ceiling, listening to the tiny heartbeat that pumped defiantly in the heat of her belly.

* * *

**2. Tuesday evening.**

Two days ago, Reno was out buying dinner (a bottle of Jack Daniels and two packets of cigarettes) when a figure approached him at the corner of The Honey Bee and Masume's Sushi.

"Hey stranger, got a light?"

The boy sounded familiar, but he didn't give it much thought. The four shots of tequila he'd had as an appetizer was causing a mild buzzing in his eardrums, and he was in a hurry to get back to the motel because right now, that foxy chick he'd met at the diner was probably undressing under the bedcovers for him. Or better still, calling a friend over.

"Yeah, sure."

The moment Reno reached for his nightstick, however, a hand shot out and grabbed the end where the disabling switch was. He scarcely managed a blink before nimble fingers dismantled the materia slots and gleaming orbs found their way into a pouch slung across a bony waist. It was then that these dexterous motions had struck recognition in him, but by then his assailant had maneuvered behind him, the edge of a Conformer uncomfortably close to his jugular.

It was Reno who spoke first. "Hrn, not bad, really. I really did think you were a boy. I guess it must be the awful haircut. And other things."

"Still talking. You must find living a chore, don't you?" Yuffie hissed in his ear.

"Sweetheart, I hate to ruin your moment of glory but we both know that I'm hardly in a compromising position. I mean, it probably doesn't mean anything to you, but I used to be a Turk. In about two minutes you could find yourself on the floor, medium rare."

The arm welded around his neck did not slacken in grip. "I'm quite aware of that, Reno." She permitted herself a thin smile. "But you of all people should know that Yuffie Kisaragi does not enter a losing battle."

The buzzing in his ears grew louder, and he stomach suddenly felt like exploding. Now _that_ explained why his tequila tasted funny. He was about to congratulate her on breaking into his liquor cabinet, but his legs appeared to be dissolving into the floor – either that, or that puddle was rising towards his face at an alarming rate.

Yuffie smirked to herself as she felt her husband sag in her arms. "You Turks aren't the only ones who play dirty, you know."

* * *

**3. Two hours later.**

Reno knew that he was in deep shit. First of all, his liquor cabinet was just proven to be far from infallible by his meddling wife. Secondly, a hot diner girl (and perhaps her equally hot friend) was being kept waiting while he struggled to recover from a devious mix of tequila and rat poison. Oh, and he also happened to be tied against a refrigerator.

"I wouldn't worry about the girl if I were you." Yuffie's voice sliced into his thoughts from across the room. She looked as though she was fighting back a yawn.

"You're just jealous because you suck in bed." Reno's chuckling, however, was interrupted by something tossed into his lap that looked like a piece of dried fruit. In fact, now that he had a closer glance at it, it looked like a human ear. Wait a second-

"Oh Jesus Christ on a stick, Yuf. You are one sick bitch."

"I learned everything from you, darling." She rose from her seat and strode towards him. "Anyways, I was in a hurry, and it would have taken longer to saw off her head."

The buzzing in Reno's head made him refrain from a comeback. It was getting worse, actually, and had seemingly spread to his crotch. In fact, his crotch appeared to be buzzing louder than his head. Fuck. Fuck. FUC-

In one swift motion, Yuffie slid her hand into Reno's trouser pocket and fished out his PHS, which was vibrating fiercely.

"Hel-lo."

"Yuffie? Is Reno there?" Elena sounded hassled. Yuffie pictured her blowing her bangs out of her eyes.

"Hold on, let me check." Pressing the phone against her hip, Yuffie grabbed the nearest hard object (an ashtray) and dealt a swift blow to the back of Reno's neck, her eyes remarkably impassive as he choked abruptly and drooped to one side, unconscious.

"Nope, he's not around. Probably taking a walk. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing much. I'm on my way to the office, actually. There was this job Reno had dibs on, but he hasn't accepted it yet, and he's been uncontactable these few days. So I told Rufus I was gonna take it from there. I hope he doesn't mind. I mean, he knows I've been kinda tight lately."

"Don't you worry about it, Reno's been…busy. In fact, he'd be glad for you to take over his assignments for the next couple of weeks.

"Oh! That's great, I mean. So it's settled, then."

"Yep."

There was a pause, followed by the sucking of air through hesitant lips. "…Hey, uh, Yuffers. You guys are, I mean, fine, right?"

"Mmm. I guess so."

"You know, just give me a call if, you know-"

"Yeah, thanks Lena. I know."

"Hey, I know Reno can be a total asshole and it hasn't been very easy for you lately, but don't you do anything rash, you hear me?"

Yuffie pursed her lips. "I won't. I've never been calmer in my life."

* * *

**4. Thursday morning, again.**

"Hey."

No response.

"Hey, babe. Legs. Ninja wife. Hey. Motherfucking _HEY_!"

If she didn't answer soon, his throat was going to give out_._

"Hey. Yuffie. I know you're not sleeping, okay? Fuck, what are you doing in there? You better not be cutting yourself again, because I sure as hell have no way of rescuing you from my current situation-"

"I don't need rescuing, you bastard." Her voice sounded muffled. He wondered if she was crying.

"Oh, she speaks! So, babe, I don't mean to be fussy, but there's this spot behind my left shoulder that's getting kinda itchy, so if ya don't mind…" He trailed off as a diminutive figure cast a shadow over his sprawled form.

"You never rescued me, anyway."

Reno squinted up at the young woman whom he was once pissed enough to marry. "…_What_?"

"You never rescued me. You were never there for me. What's funny is that it took me a while to figure that was what I wanted. That was all I wanted, really. You just make things so fucking difficult."

"Yuffie, I-"

"Fuck_ you, _Reno_._ Just shut the fuck up for a second, okay? All you do is talk shit. You think you're fooling everyone with that cocky attitude of yours, but you're just as afraid as I am. I know there's more to just…chemistry between us, okay? Somehow I know we can connect on another level. I mean, you're some killer with a crappy past, but I didn't have the greatest childhood either. I know you think about your mother the same way I do. And I only cheated on you because - because you did it first. Geez, Reno, you think everything is so easy, from saving the Planet to recovering a crippled nation. You don't know what I've given up for you, you don't know how much I _hate_ this shitty thing growing inside of me. You don't know. You just…don't."

Yuffie's breathing was ragged, and she looked down to find that she was clutching his collar with both hands. Slowly, she raised her eyes and met his own. He did not look angry, and there was an expression on his face that unsettled her greatly.

Reno was looking at her with pity.

"Yuffie. Sweetheart." His face split open with a mirthless grin. "You couldn't be farther from the truth. I only married you because I don't think much of marriage, and it had been a while since I scored with a virgin. My mother was a whore, and I hardly remember her, not do I care to. I also do not care who you mess around with behind my back, and by the way, you were the one who thought that giving up your throne to be with me was 'romantic', even though I constantly reminded you that it was quite possibly the stupidest thing you could ever do. And finally, I don't know what is this thing you seem to think I'm afraid of." He was baring his teeth now. "I have _never_ feared death the moment I accepted this uniform."

Reno paused to look at her. She had sunk to her knees before him and her head was bent so low that her bangs shielded the most part of her face.

"You are right, Reno," She sighed. Her voice no longer sounded like hers. "You never feared death. You only feared living." She lifted her head and he saw that her eyes had a strange look to them – weariness, determination, and frenzy were only some of the emotions he could make out, and it occurred to him that this was the very same look she had when he first betrayed her, when her father disowned her, and when he first found her in the bath, lying in waters that were an angry red.

Yuffie rose to her feet, and he noticed that her eyes had been dry all along.

"I'm scared too, Reno. This thing is destroying me."

"Yuffie, what are you-"

Reno did not have to wait for answer. He watched as she spun her kunai around a careless finger – where the _fuck_ had that even come from – and suddenly dug it into her belly, splitting it from side to side like the smile she'd lost the day he told her he loved her.

Even though it was entirely her blood spilling over him as she crumpled onto the floor, Reno felt as though it was he who was dying.

* * *

**5. Next Saturday. **

"…That is going to leave a nasty scar."

"Whatever. Scars bring out character."

Rude paused in his steps and gave his partner a sidelong glance. "Reno, it looks like you've been wrapped in Christmas tinsel."

Reno glared back at the man he considered his best friend, sometimes. Now wasn't one of these times. "I told you she was a fucking psycho. I mean, barbed wire, _shit_."

"How is she now?"

"What? Her? I don't know. I don't really care."

Rude emitted a small sigh. "You know - "

" - Yeah. I knew."

"You did?"

"Of course I did. Shit, Rude, I knew it the moment she killed it. Because…fuck. This is going to sound cheesy as hell, but I felt something. I don't even know how, but I just did. I mean, you know she was just doing it out of spite, but she was always a shitty liar."

"Reno-"

"I don't want another one any more."

"What?"

"The kid. She killed it, and I'll probably never forgive her for it. I don't ever fucking want another one ever again. Shit, Rude. She's fucking crazy. I don't know how I put up with her. If she wasn't with Rutledge now I would have- I would have-"

"Just forget it, Reno. You never even thanked Elena for finding the both of you in time."

"Elena can suck it. I can't believe she took Yuffie's side."

"Well, you're not exactly winning awards for being the best husband out there." Rude adjusted his shades, an effort more out of habit than necessity. "Let's get a move on. You've been out of commission for long enough."

"Yeah, you're right." Reno dug in his pockets for a cigarette, cursing when he came up empty. "Say, Rude."

"What now?"

"You ever been afraid of living?"

Rude was a few steps ahead but Reno thought he could hear him smiling. "Not half as much as you, Red."

The two Turks made their way towards the Shinra headquarters, but for some reason Reno did not feel excited about anything at all.

An ocean away, a young woman gazes at the hospital tag on her wrists and thinks of little-girl names and wonders why she lived after all.

**FIN**

She's a jar

With a heavy lid  
My pop quiz kid  
A sleepy kisser  
A pretty war  
With feelings hid

You know she begs me not to miss her.

_Wilco_


End file.
